Is this desire?
by animespice
Summary: On Tatooine Padmé finds a way to comfort Anakin. Set during AOTC


Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, Disney etc... I am just doing this for fun.

A/N. The title comes from the PJ Harvey song of the same name. As always this is un-beta'd so all the mistakes are my own.

The garage of the Lars homestead was silent save for the sounds of Anakin's muffled weeping. His head was pressed against her chest and she could feel the wetness of his tears hot on her collarbone. Padmé ran her fingers through his soft blond hair and lightly traced his Padawan braid with the tips of her fingers before slowly resting her hand at the nape of his neck. She rocked him back and forth like she would a child and murmured soothing sounds and hoped it would calm him down. She hated seeing him so crushed, he was normally so confident and bright; it hurt her heart watching him crumble like this.

She felt him release a shuddering sigh and loosened his bruising grip from around her waist. Anakin shifted away from her and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes.

"Sorry." She heard him whisper thickly.

She turned to look at him and placed a gentle hand on his knee. She saw his gaze dart to the placement of her hand and felt his leg tense up. "You don't have to apologize, Ani. It's natural to cry when something like this happens."

His eyes moved from her hand to her face, though he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes. "You wouldn't understand, the Jedi code forbids-,"

Padmé interrupted him, she was tired of hearing about the Jedi code, "Anakin, you were not born a Jedi, you were born a human being. And human beings cry and get angry…and love," Their eyes connected at that last word before he averted his gaze again, "It's not healthy to bottle things up like this."

"It doesn't matter if it's healthy or not, it's against the code." He shoved his face in his hands and groaned, "If Master Obi-wan-if any Jedi find out what happened I'll be expelled, or worse."

Padmé moved her hand from his knee and brought it up to rest comfortingly on his shoulder; she hated what she was about to say, but she knew there wasn't any other choice.

_At least not a choice she could live with._

"No one will ever have to know; it'll stay between the two of us." Padmé promised.

Padmé didn't want to think about what it meant that she would lie about something like this, that she would willingly hide the deaths of innocents to protect him. She thinks about a conversation she had with Sola on the eve of her wedding; they sat under the stars and drank sweet wine as they hid from their over bearing but well-meaning relatives.

"_How do you know when you're in love?"_ _Padmé asked her sister. If it wasn't for the wine she would have never had the courage to broach the subject. She knew her family just wanted her to be happy, but she wished they could understand her job did make her happy. _

_Sola's eyes brightened and a sly grin edged along her flushed face. "Why do you want to know? Has my baby sister finally fallen in love?" She teased, and reached over to engulf Padmé in a tight hug._

_Padmé sighed in exasperation and pushed her tipsy sister off of her. "No, I didn't. I was just wondering."_

_Her sister's joking demeanor turned to one of introspection and she was silent for a moment before answering. "You would do anything for them, and you think about them constantly. It almost feels like you're going crazy," Sola noticed her wary expression and gave her a small smile, "But it's not so bad, because you realize they feel the exact same way."_

_Padmé looked up at the sky and wondered if there was anyone in the galaxy who could make her lose her senses in such a way. "That sounds…nice. I guess." _

_Sola snorted, and took another gulp of wine. "Don't worry Padmé; you'll understand one day."_

At the time she didn't believe her sister, but now it seemed Sola was right. She did feel like she was going crazy, she knew a relationship between them could only end badly, but that didn't stop her from thinking about his confession. Both men and women in the past have tried to charm her with smooth lines to encourage her affections. But with Anakin, his obviously inexperienced, but sincere plea made her heart stutter in her chest in a completely unfamiliar way.

Anakin raised his head, and stared at her with an unreadable expression, his mouth set in a grim line. "Why would you do that for me?' He questioned, his voice wavering on the last syllable.

Padmé removed her hand from his shoulder, and shifted, trying to get comfortable on the hard floor of the garage. "We're friends, Anakin." She replied steadily.

"I don't want to be your_ friend_." Anakin countered with a slight frown. He lowered his eyes and stared transfixed at a small piece of gravel on the ground.

Padmé sighed, and brushed a curl behind her ear. She didn't want to discuss such things while he was still so upset. Instead, she stood up and nodded her head towards the tray of food she brought him. "You should eat, and get some rest. You'll feel better."

He absently nodded his head before leaning back and letting it _thump_ against the rusty shelf behind him; he closed his eyes and breathed out a defeated sigh. She moved to trail the back of her hand along his cheek, but caught herself before their skin made contact. She snatched her hand away and busied it with smoothing down the folds of her dress.

Padmé grappled for something to say to him, she could deliver passionate and eloquent speeches in the Senate to thousands of star systems, but when it came to Anakin she was tongue tied; she would laugh if it was anyone else.

She towered over his still form on the floor and looked down at his upturned face, with his eyes closed she felt free to study his handsome features. He still had some baby fat around his cheeks that betrayed his age, and the dusting of freckles along his nose gave him a boyish charm. She couldn't deny the physical attraction she felt when she looked at him. She reluctantly tore her gaze from his face and turned on her heel; she hoped putting some distance between them would help her sanity.

She was at the threshold of the door when she heard Anakin call out her name; she paused in the doorway glanced at him over her shoulder. He was still slouching on the floor, and Padmé noticed the defeated angle of his shoulders.

He cleared his throat and said a little hesitantly. "Thank you."

Padmé wasn't sure what he was thanking her for, and she didn't want to ask; she inclined her head in his direction and replied in a soft voice. "You're welcome, Ani."

He flashed a small grin in response and rose easily from the floor; before she could turn away completely she caught him dusting loose grains of sand from his dark pants with an annoyed expression. She hid a smile behind her hand and began to walk towards the kitchen to finishing helping Beru prepare dinner; she recalled how Anakin felt about sand and couldn't help but laugh.

She paused mid-step and realized with a creeping sense of dread that she might be in love with Anakin. Padmé desperately pushed the notion from her mind, and continued up the stairs, she instead occupied her mind with the ever growing problems within the Senate.

Padmé had spent the rest of the day helping Beru with chores around the house while Owen, along with Cliegg, and a couple droids busied themselves with digging a grave for Shmi. The work provided Padmé with an easy way to keep her mind from drifting to thoughts of Anakin

By the time the twin suns had set Padmé was exhausted, she wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the small, but cozy bed Beru had been kind enough to offer her. Padmé liked Beru; she was funny and sweet, and even through her quiet grief she took the loss of Shmi in stride.

Padmé quietly padded down the hallway to her room, and shivered lightly underneath her dress; she had forgotten how cold the desert planet got at night. As she removed the pins from her hair she wondered where Anakin was; she hadn't seen him since she left the garage, and she worried he was still brooding somewhere. She attempted to run her fingers through her tangle of curls and covered a large yawn with the back of her hand. She pressed the button to open the door and was startled to find Anakin sitting on the edge of the bed.

Anakin's head snapped up when he heard the door open and offered her a quick nod before looking back down at the magazine he was engaged in. Padmé placed the pins on a small vanity near the door and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room before finding her voice.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "What are you doing in here?" She asked, and hated the unsteadiness of her voice.

He glanced up from his magazine, "There weren't enough rooms, so I'm bunking with you tonight. Don't worry, I'll take the floor." Padmé could hear the trace of amusement in his tone.

"Ah, okay." She breathed, and moved her gaze around the room until it landed on Anakin again.

She forced her feet to move forward and shuffled towards the foot of the bed; she bit back another yawn and unceremoniously kicked off her shoes. She sat down lightly at the foot of the bed and ran her fingers through her hair and frowned when she noticed the grains of sand scattering from her hair; Padmé desperately tried to ignore the growing tension in the quiet room.

She was painfully aware of every breath she took, and the quick motions of her hands as she brushed out her hair. She also took careful note every time Anakin flipped a page or shifted on the bed. She could feel him casting glances at her back, and suddenly all the tiredness she felt earlier was zapped away.

Anakin broke the awkward tension when she felt him turn his body towards her and questioned, "Do you want to go to bed?"

Her mind was instantly bombarded with lustful images of them going to bed _together_. She pictured them pressed together with nothing between them, coiled around one another; their body heat the only thing keeping them warm on this frigid desert night. She licked her lips and swallowed thickly; ignoring the growing pressure of arousal between her legs. Padmé gracefully rose from her sitting place on the bed and moved to stand in front of him; she could hear the blood as it rushed in her ears and stubbornly ignored the rational side of her brain that told her to _stop._

Anakin's eyes lifted from their place on the page to meet hers, and she felt like every nerve in her body was electrified. A question swam in his gaze, but he didn't voice it, instead Anakin let the magazine slip from his fingers, and nervously chewed on his lip. Padmé tried to hide the trembling of her hand has she reached out to caress his cheek, he let his eyes slide shut and released an almost imperceptible sigh of relief when their skin made contact.

She trailed her fingers along his cheekbone, she moved them upward to lightly trace the shape of his brow, she could feel the heat of his skin when she placed her finger beneath his chin and tilted his head up. She felt him lean into her touch, when she brushed her thumb along his lower lip and crooned, "Yes, I would like to go to bed." She could hear his breath catch.

His eyes opened, and she could see a dreamy look dance across his face before the shadow of uncertainty fell onto his features.

Padmé leaned down so that their mouths were a breath apart and clarified. "I would like to go to bed," She pressed a chaste kiss to his unsuspecting mouth and whispered, "_With you."_

Anakin's eyes widened and a bright red blush bloomed across his cheeks that she could see even with the dim lighting of the room. He slowly brought his hands up from their place on the bed to grip her hips. His eyes searched her face, as if looking for permission to go further. Padmé gave him an assuring smile and pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered in his ear. "It's okay. I want this."

Anakin who had been silent finally managed to stutter out, "I- want…me too." Even though his words were shaky, his hands were steady, and she answered him with a smirk. "Good."

Padmé took a deep breath and shrugged out of the blue smock she wore over her linen dress and let it pool around her feet on the floor. The voice telling her this was a _Bad Idea_ was growing smaller, and was being replaced by the voice in her head that was reminding her the last time she had had sex.

_(Eight long months)_

Anakin moved to stand up, but Padmé pushed him back down to sit on the bed. "No." She murmured, "Stay right there."

Anakin instantly obeyed her command, but shot her a disgruntled look. She laced her fingers behind his head and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. She had to crane her neck at a low angle to reach his mouth and it was causing her neck to ache, but she enjoyed the feeling of looming over him. She felt him trace the seam of her lips with his tongue; she kept her lips sealed for a few seconds to tease him before complying.

The kiss started of slow but sweet; Anakin's kisses felt like being worshipped, but before long the delicate reverence surrendered to pure lust. His mouth was hot and his teeth nipped viciously at her lower lip; she hissed when he bit down, and he gently licked her lip in apology. She broke away to catch her breath, her chest heaving, she was a little embarrassed by her reaction; a kiss hadn't gotten her this worked up sense she was sixteen.

Padmé watched has Anakin's mouth went slack when she reached up and untied the strings the held her dress up, she was pleased when she noticed the tremor in his hands, and the way his knuckles grew white when he gripped the mattress too hard. Her blood felt like lava rushing through her veins, and the cool air of the room was like heaven to her flushed skin.

Anakin's eyes roved over her body with almost frightening intensity; like he was committing every curve and scar to memory. When his sharp gaze finally landed on her face he whispered. "You're beautiful."

He pressed a light kiss to the small scar on her hip she had gotten as a child, and she could feel him smile against her warm skin.

She wanted to say, _"So are you. I love you. Let's stay in this room forever."_

But instead, all she managed to say was. "Take off your clothes."

A slow smile spread across his face; he caught her eyes as he planted a kiss to the skin above her bellybutton. "As you wish, Milady."

He rose from the bed, and he is suddenly towering over her. The dim light cast an eerie shadow along his face, and for a brief moment Padmé felt the brush of fear. The dark secret he revealed to her this afternoon in the garage was instantly in the forefront of her mind; mocking her.

"_I killed them. I killed them all."_

She watched him smoothly pull his dark tunic over his head while she recalled his earlier confession.

"_They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!"_

She appreciatively eyed his toned tanned thighs as his pants fell from his hips and gathered at his feet. What did that say about her? That she can think of his growing fury when he retold the tale of his crimes, and still grow aroused when she cast a long glance at the half hard length between his legs.

Padmé doesn't want to think about it, she knows Anakin has troubles, but he is a good person, and he tries to do the right thing.

_(Most of the time)_

Her face must have betrayed her thoughts because Anakin stood there with his arms dutifully at his side and watched her with a self-conscious look on his face. His muscles are tense as he stood naked in front of her, but he didn't look away from her face, and she didn't seem to have any control over her limbs. Without thought, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a rough kiss to his chapped lips. He twined his fingers into the tangle of her thick curls, and gasped into her mouth. She reluctantly pulled away from his hold on her, and moved to situate herself against the headboard of the bed.

Padmé took note of the length of the bed, and realized that Anakin was too tall to fit on the tiny mattress comfortably. Anakin apparently didn't care as he quickly followed her lead, and before long she was pressed against the lumpy mattress as Anakin left a trail of hot kisses down her neck and across her collarbone.

He lightly kissed her nipples, and she whimpered when he flicked his tongue against her sensitive skin. He looked up and tried to gauge her reaction, and when she nodded her head in encouragement he continued to kiss, lick, and bite her flesh until he stopped at the skin above her underwear.

Padmé's muscles were tense with anticipation; she tightened her fingers into the rough wool of the bedspread when Anakin slipped his fingers under the edge of her underwear and slid them down her legs. She lifted her hips to help him, and suddenly there was nothing between them.

He stared at the apex of her thighs with a look of hesitation in his face, and Padmé might have found the expression adorable if she wasn't so impatient.

"I've-uhh, I've never done this before." Anakin admitted as he avoided her gaze with slight frown on his lips. His voice cracked on the last syllable, and she couldn't contain the slight twitch of her lips. "That's okay," She leaned on her elbows to better look him in the face. "I didn't think you had."

Padmé tried to slow her rapid breathing, and caressed his cheek tenderly. "I'll tell you what to do."

Anakin's eyes darted up to her face with an offended expression. "I know _what _to do." He protested defensively. "I've just never done it before."

"Good." Padmé hummed as her head fell back onto the pillow. "I might have gotten jealous if I had known you had done this with another girl." She confessed slyly.

"Really?" Anakin asked, and she could hear how pleased he was in his tone

"Oh yes," She breathed as she closed her eyes. "I would have gone absolutely insane with jealously." She giggled.

She couldn't see his expression, but she knew he was pursing his lips in annoyance. "You're teasing me."

Padmé felt his hot breath on the inside of her thigh, and she lost her train of thought for a moment. She spread her legs wider apart so that her feet were flat on the bed and her knees were bent. "How very un-Jedi-like of you to accuse me of something like that."

Anakin groaned, and she cracked an eye open to get a look at the strained expression on his face. "Don't say that word right now, please." He begged.

"Very well, but you'll have to make it up to me." She replied.

Padmé felt him lower himself between her legs, "I think I can do something."

She was about to speak, but then she felt his tongue hot on her slit, and the words vanished like smoke from her mind. She inhaled sharply when he did it again, and dug her toes into the mattress. His mouth found her clit, and she saw sparks behind her eyelids. She was aware of the other occupants of the small house and bit her lip to stifle her cries.

His blunt nails dug into the soft flesh of her thighs and she arched her head back when he sucked on her clit. She wrapped her legs around his head, and ground her hips against his tongue. She couldn't hold back the tiny gasps that escaped her lips, and hoped that the walls were thick enough so whoever was next door didn't get an earful of her moaning.

_Though she was beyond caring at this point; the entire Senate could have been next door and she would never have noticed._

Padmé felt Anakin pry her legs apart from their suffocating hold on his head, and his mouth left her center as he took a deep gulp of air. She looked down at his wet mouth and darkened eyes and fought the urge rushing up inside her to tell him how much he meant to her.

They were both panting and flushed, and the once chilly room now felt like a furnace. "Was that good?" Anakin asked, his tone bordered on cocky.

Padmé tried to catch her breath; she closed her eyes and threw her hand over her face. "Don't fish for compliments, Ani." She scolded through the grin that edged across her face. She felt the vibrations of his laugh against her thigh, and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Padmé." He whispered against her skin, and she felt the gentle scrape of his teeth as he bit down on her flesh. She felt a thrill in her spine that traveled all the way down to her toes when he breathed her name like that, and she wondered how much it would hurt when she would inevitably have to push him away.

Padmé sat up; her nerves were jittery and the ache between her legs was becoming too much. Anakin was still sprawled between her legs and she noticed how his legs hung off of the edge of the bed. She took his face in her hands, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth; when she licked her lips she could taste herself.

"Sit up." She whispered in his ear.

He obeyed her wish, and he fluidly arranged himself so that he was face-to-face with her. Padmé climbed onto his lap and wrapped her legs around his waist; she felt his now completely hard length against her center, and she couldn't help herself when she traced the head of his dick along her entrance. She heard his sharp inhale, and watched as his eyes grew dark with lust.

Her arms went around his shoulders as she rose up on her knees and got ready to sink down on him. She hovered over him for a moment; she looked him directly in eyes and he unflinchingly met her gaze as she watched him swallow thickly. His palms were spread wide over her ribcage and she felt the slight tremor of his hands.

"Don't be nervous." She said quietly

He shook his head, "I'm not nervous." He confessed. "I'm excited. You don't know how many nights I've dreamed about this." His eyes were suddenly bright, and she could feel his thighs flex impatiently beneath her.

She was a little surprised at his candidness, but tried not to let it show. "And how did these dreams normally go?"

The tip slipped inside her throbbing heat for a moment, the pulse in his neck jumped, and his breath stuttered. "They start different, but always end the same." He rushed. "Listen, Padmé," He choked out. "Can we-can we stop talking please and just…"

"Fuck?" She offered.

"Yes, please." He breathed.

She answered him by finally lowering herself onto him, and hummed in pleasure when he was all the way inside her. His mouth went slack at the sensation, and his eyes slipped shut.

"Oh, force," he groaned as his hips instinctively jerked up. "Padmé…."

Padmé enjoyed the sensation of being filled before she began to move. She tightened her legs around his waist and started to rock slowly against him. She forced him to keep the sluggish pace because she wanted to enjoy this, and didn't want it spoiled if he came too fast.

The bed squeaked loudly with their movement, and she pushed away the thought that reminded her how uncomfortable breakfast was going to be in the morning. She didn't care about anything except for Anakin, and the way he repeated her name under his breath like a prayer.

She uncrossed her ankles from behind his back, and shoved him down flat on the bed, her knees straddled him and she quickened her pace. She watched him under her hooded eyelids as he lay flushed and gasping underneath her; easily meeting each one of her thrusts.

Padmé noticed that he probably wasn't going to last much longer, and she reached down to where their bodies joined and began to rub her clit. She felt like every nerve in her body was on fire, she was too far gone to be embarrassed of the mewling sounds that made their way passed her lips. Anakin was no better; his eyes were screwed shut tight, and his low moans echoed in the small room.

"Padmé…I can't…I'm…." Anakin stuttered as he tried to warn her that he was close.

She was going to laugh at his eloquence later, but right now all she was focused on was release. She slowed down her thrusts as her fingers sped up, and ignored Anakin's cry of protest.

She came hard with a low pitched whine, and she could have sworn she felt the galaxy spin around her. Anakin soon followed behind her, Padmé couldn't find the breath to tell him not to come inside her, so she quickly pushed herself off of him and rolled to the side.

Padmé laid there wedged between the cold wall and Anakin as the aftershocks of her orgasm coursed through her. As Anakin shook beside her on the tiny bed Padmé waited for the regret and guilt to overcome her, but instead all she felt was a sense of calm. She felt Anakin remove his arm that was trapped between them and encircled her shoulders pressing her closer to him. She curled into the warm embrace, and for a second wanted to lean up and whisper in his ear that she loved him.

Instead, Padmé begin to prepare a speech in her head for Anakin; she was going to explain to him that he shouldn't read too much into what had just happened, and that she wasn't thinking straight. Hurt his feeling if she must, anything to keep him from thinking anything could happen between them.

_But something did happen, and you didn't just do it for him. You suggested you go to bed together because you want him, because you love him._

She couldn't do it, she opened her mouth but she couldn't get the words passed her lips. It would be a lie, she thought to herself, so she closed her mouth and tilted her head up to look at Anakin. They were nestled together with their heads resting at the foot of the bed, and Padmé could feel her limbs growing stiff.

"Are you awake?" She questioned softly.

He stirred a little, but his eyes were still closed. "Yeah, I'm awake." He mumbled sleepily.

She bit back a smile, and lightly smacked him on his stomach. "Well then, get up. It's uncomfortable down here."

He sighed loudly; Anakin grudgingly pulled away from her and swung his legs over the side of the mattress. She extracted herself from the bed and began to dig through her luggage for something to sleep in. She found a shimmery pink shift made of deliciously soft fabric and slipped it over her head. She turned around and found Anakin already asleep and softly snoring under the covers.

She briefly entertained the thought of kicking him out and making him sleep on the floor, but the idea left her head as quickly as it had entered. She lifted up the covers and slipped between the sheets, forcing Anakin to scoot over. He immediately curled his body around hers and buried his chin in the crook of her neck.

Padmé melted into him. She didn't fight the exhaustion from creeping in, and she easily succumbed to sleep.

The next morning; in the cold hard light of day, Padmé still didn't regret what had happened last night.

But she had a hard time meeting anyone's eyes at the breakfast table when Cliegg cracked a joke and threw her a wink about not being able to get any sleep last night.

Thanks for reading! (p.s. I love reviews)


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